We're facebook friends in real life
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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