I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
