How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
