Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
