you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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