my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
