i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize