Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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