What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
