you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
