I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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