We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We just shotgunned beers for America
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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