you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
