Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
