turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
