a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
