Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
