The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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