so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
