No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize