What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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