i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize