I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
