You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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