But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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