dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
