Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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