you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I did not marry a roomba.
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