oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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