Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your penis caused this!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
