GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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