New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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