is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
