he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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