Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize