If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize