i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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