Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize