Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't notice because vodka
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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