My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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