I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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