he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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