Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just invented taco cereal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
