i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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