I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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