i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
