That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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