Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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