I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
