what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
