I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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