I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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