So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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