I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
