Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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