Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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