i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize