It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
