Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
