We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
