I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
