Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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