He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
