when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
