coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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