I smell stomach acid.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
