i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
