I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
