Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize