The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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