so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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