About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
