Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are we still banned from the library?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
