She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
