Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
