I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
